Emotional Confusion

Written By: LJ


“I hate you!” Slade hollered. “I hate both of you!” He stormed out the side door, slamming it behind him. He raced down the driveway, passed the vehicles parked there, and turned the corner leading to the back alley. Within a matter of minutes he had disappeared from the view of anyone who may have thought to follow him.

With his emotions in turmoil as unsettling memories of the last couple of weeks paraded across his mind, the despondent young man unconsciously wander further and further away from home.

Eventually becoming aware of the dark clouds rolling in and the cooling temperature, Slade stopped to look around and get his bearings. Recognizing his old stomping grounds, he instinctively made his way to a place he had always associated with feelings of warmth and contentment.

“Hi, Dad,” Slade greeted the older man who had answered his knock on the door. His eyes filled as he stepped into the welcoming embrace of his foster father.

“Come in, my boy, come in.” Cecil stepped back to let his guest enter and then looked around to see if anyone had accompanied him. “Any reason for you being alone, Slade?” he curiously inquired.

“I..well, that is…I guess so,” came the mumbled reply as Slade shoved his hands into his pockets and shrugged his shoulders.

“Does Dominic know of your whereabouts?” Cecil strongly suspected such was not the case and that something serious had taken place.

“Nooo; I….ah…I kinda took off.” Seeing the slight frown on the other man’s face, Slade argumentatively blurted out, “I was pissed off, okay?”

“No, I don’t think it is okay, nor do I believe Dominic will. He and Jayden are probably worrying about you.”

“Yeah, right!” Slade snorted in disbelief and used his shirt sleeve to wipe the tears off his cheeks.

“Do you want to place the call and let them know where you are, Slade, or do you want me to?” Cecil kindly asked his distraught son.

Quietening slightly, Slade turned pleading eyes towards the man he considered his true father. “Do we have to, Dad?” Slade already knew the answer but was unable to do what had to be done. “Can you do it please?” he requested at the gentle nod given in response to his first plea.

“All right, I’ll do it and then while we are waiting for your partners’ arrival, we’ll have a bite to eat and talk things over. How does that sound?” Cecil firmly steered the younger man into a large bright kitchen and pulled out a chair. “Sit!”

Slade sat looking around the familiar room, relaxing in the homey comfortable atmosphere that had always been present here. He toyed with the salt and pepper shakers, the sugar bowl and the napkin holder sitting in the middle of the big wooden table, vaguely aware of his father’s voice in the background followed by the sounds of the man preparing a light meal.

“Where’s Mom?” he asked absently as he sprinkled salt in his hand and licked it off his palm.

“The Women’s Auxiliary is setting up for the church’s annual bazaar,” Cecil answered, setting plates of sandwiches and glasses of milk on the table and putting the salt shaker out of reach. “Leave the salt alone.” Taking a seat across from his son, he looked over and softly commanded, “Okay, start talking.” He grinned at the expression of surprise that crossed the younger man’s face.

“I kinda lost it this morning,” Slade shamefully admitted.

“I gathered; so what happened?”

“Ah, you know about Dom deciding last fall that it was high time Jayden started taking more responsibility for himself and also taking a more active part in the decision-making in our company, right?”

“Yes, I seem to recall such a decision being made.”

“Well, I was okay with it at the time but lately I’ve been feeling…” Slade trailed off, unable to express himself.

“Being usurped?”

“Huh?”

“Replaced, as in no longer needed,” Cecil explained.

“Yeah, something like that,” Slade murmured. “It’s just that I’m so sick and tired of listening to Dom praising every friggin’ little thing Jay does. And to make matters worse, it seems that Jay is always sucking up.”

“How’s that, Slade?”

“Well like this morning for instance; they made such a big deal of Jay remembering to take his meds every day for the last two weeks. He didn’t forget once.” Slade took a bite of his sandwich, chewing thoughtfully for a few moments before washing it down with a mouthful of milk.

“Then there’s the decision Jay made last week concerning old man Howatt’s place. I had already decided almost a year ago that we would not take him on as a client because of the junk throughout his yard and here Jay goes and tells him we’ll do it now. Then to make matters worse, Dom agreed with him.”

Slade sat fuming. At breakfast that morning, he had listened and watched the goings-on for at least fifteen minutes. And this was not the first time it had happened. Far from it and it was getting on his nerves. ‘Good idea, Jay honey. Great plan, Jay baby, yada yada yada....’ he had mimicked in his mind, getting angrier by the minute. ‘Ever since Dom came up with the brilliant idea that Jay should start thinking more for himself, I've had to put up with this shit,’ he silently griped. He knew logically that he should be happy for Jay but emotionally he is feeling left out.

“Am I correct in assuming that Jay is handling this new contract on his own? And if so, just when does he do the work?”

“I drop him off with the push mower and whatever other equipment he needs; then I go do the mowing at the complex down the street.”

“Isn’t the complex one of those jobs that often entails one of you waiting around while the other uses the ride-on due to the extensive lawn surrounding the place? If so, I would think this works out a lot better.”

“It does,” Slade quietly acknowledged. “And I know I should be pleased.”

“Did you tell Jay he made a good choice, Slade? I know, I know,” Cecil held up his hand. “Dom has already told him, but he needs to hear it from you too, Son. When you were both living here at home, no matter how much Mother and I praised Jay, it was your opinion he valued most. Jay looks up to you, Slade. He always has and he always will. He never developed the same level of self-confidence and independence you did. Even though he is trying to do so now, he still requires your approval and support, not only Dominic’s.”

Slade let out a long sigh. “I-I told him I hated him, both of them actually.” Slade squirmed in misery and shamefully murmured his confession. “But it’s not true. I’ve been failing him and now I hate me.”

“You don’t hate anyone, Son, and nobody hates you.”

Before Slade could respond, there was a knock and Jayden burst through the back door. He ran over to Slade and threw his arms around him. “You okay, Slay? What happened, man? Dom and me were searching for hours. You forgot your cell phone, among other things.”

Slade stepped back and gazed into his fellow-Brat’s face. He blamed himself for the puffy, red-rimmed eyes and his guilt increased. “I’m so sorry, Jay,” was all he could choke out around the lump in his throat. He pulled Jayden into a crushing hug. He avoided looking at his older partner, fearing the condemnation he’d see in the bigger man’s eyes.

A feeling of warmth enveloped Slade as his jacket was gently draped over his shoulders and he glanced up to see only a deep abiding love shining from Dominic’s soft gray eyes. “I’m so sorry, Dom,” he whimpered into the tall man’s chest.

“It’s okay, Love. We'll figure it all out once we get home.” Dominic gave his Brat a reassuring squeeze before turning to greet his host. “Thank you for calling us, Cecil,” he said, shaking the other man’s hand. “Is Esther home?”

“No, she’s out with her lady friends. And now as much as I’d enjoy your company, boys, I’m not going to keep you as I know you have some fences to mend.”

During the exchange of goodbyes, Cecil whispered final words of advice to his eldest son. “Slade, go home, talk things over and apologise to your partners. I’m sure everything will work out, boy.”

“You’re probably right, Dad.” Slade would rather agree than let his father know he was in all likelihood, in for a real rump-roasting. God knows, he had earned it fair and square.

The ride home was done in silence. Slade and Jayden sat in the backseat, holding hands and snuggling. Jayden would have crawled on Slade’s lap had the seatbelts permitted him to. Dominic contentedly allowed them this time to reconnect.

Once back in their own home, they spent the better part of the next hour in the den, discussing the morning’s events and the feelings that had led up to them.

“Gee, Slay, maybe I can forget to take that blasted pill now and again,” Jayden teasingly suggested.

“Not a good idea, Jay.” Slade smiled his thanks at his fellow-Brat’s attempt to lighten the mood.

“Bet I can find someone else to take care of Mr. Howatt for me,” Jayden murmured thoughtfully.

“No way, man! You’re doing a great job there, Jay. I’m real proud of you; you got a hell of a lot more patience than I do. Just thinking of moving all that fuckin’ junk and then having to put it all back, blows my mind.”

Jayden blushed upon hearing the words of endorsement that meant so much to him. “Mr. Howatt helps out a bit, you know, well sorta; and he lets me display the stuff anyway I want.”

“You’re work has improved the place and it really shows, Jay.” Turning serious, Slade got to his feet and humbly and sincerely stated, “I didn’t mean what I said earlier. I really love you, Jay; I love both of you.”

“I understand,” Jayden whispered, wrapping his arms around Slade’s neck and deeply kissing him.

“I think you mentioned something about needing to clean out your truck, Jayden,” Dominic reminded his younger Brat.

“Ah, yeah, hmm guess I’ll go do it now.” Jayden glanced uncertainly at Slade and getting a brief nod; reluctantly left the room.

“I’m truly sorry for acting the way I did, Dom. I just wasn’t thinking straight.”

“What could you have done differently, Love?” Dominic benignly asked.

“Talked it over with you before it got blown out of proportion,” the other man uncomfortably muttered.

Dominic watched as sad, blue eyes filled with tears. He fervently wished there was a way to circumvent what he had to do next but knew his Brat needed help in letting go of the guilt or it would haunt him.

“Let’s take care of this, Baby, so we can put it behind us and start with a clean slate.” Dominic was rather pleasantly shocked when Slade began to unbuckle his belt and pull down his zipper while walking over to him. The older man was expecting the usual arguments and protests that had habitually preceded disciplinary action in the past.

He helped Slade lower himself over rock-hard thighs, presenting a bared backside for chastisement. He rubbed his hand lightly over the smooth flesh as he waited for Slade to grab a throw pillow to hang on to.

“Why are we doing this, sweetheart?” Dominic lovingly asked.

“Because I said mean and untrue things; I hurt you and Jay; I was disrespectful and behaved in a way that could have been harmful to our relationship,” Slade succinctly listed off his transgressions. He wanted nothing more than for this horrible mess to be over with.

Dominic didn’t keep him waiting any longer. Raising his right arm, the older man brought it down and landed the first painful swat on the quivering bottom. He proceeded to spank hard and fast.

Slade was sobbing uncontrollably long before the punishment was over and it was a testament to his feelings of guilt that he never once begged for his Top to end the spanking. He trusted Dominic to know when he had atoned for his wrongdoings.

Minutes later, Slade found himself safely enfolded in his lover’s arms, seated on the same lap he had been lying over. Strong hands were gently rubbing circles on his back and interspersed with soft kisses, words of love and forgiveness were being tenderly whispered in his ear as his cries of pain gradually diminished.

“I’m so sorry, Dom,” Slade stammered as he clung to the bigger man. “I really do love you, you know.”

“And I love you, little one, with all my heart.”

Time passed until only sporadic hitches could be heard. Dominic grabbed up a handful of tissues and wiped his Brat’s tear-streaked face. “Blow!” he ordered, holding the damp tissues against Slade’s nose.

Picking up on the indulgent tone in the older man’s voice, Slade obeyed and then cheekily commented, “I’d rather blow something else.”

“Uh-huh,” Dominic dotingly replied. “And later I just might let you.”

The End